TIPS ON CONTROLLING ANGER - Disruptor of our Peace ;

Emotion is a complex word. Most of the time, an individual feels mix emotions. For example : excited, happy, joyful at the same time. There are various numbers of emotions but the root of all the emotions are 5 core emotions : joy, fear, sadness, disgust and anger. There is only one emotion more inclined towards 'positive' feeling from the neutral feeling and that it Joy. The other four emotions are not very pleasant to experience. Hence, if you decrease the intensity of the core emotions or mix these emotions you get different emotions like frustrated but not angry, upset but not sad or nervous but not scared. As I mentioned before, Emotions are complex so let us dive deeper into the one emotion that generally harms us and others around us. Yes, you did guess it right, ANGER. We all have faced situations where we lost something important to us just because of 'anger'. Once you have control over your anger, no one can destroy you. To lead a peaceful life, one must be aware of the onset of their negative emotion and their actions during the intense feeling. Men are more prone to be angry because anger is considered more socially acceptable emotion for men. A person might not judge a man when he punches a wall or shouts, but they would judge a woman doing it, whereas the demerits of men being more angry is that they are mostly told to know show emotions or 'cry'. They call an emotional guy a 'girl'. Well, we can not change the society in one day or by writing a blog, but what we can do is learn how to control our anger, not be impulsive and maintain our peace while not regretting any action.

I've had anger issues since as long as I can remember. I have been working on myself since few years now. I am going to share some tips that worked for me. Scroll down :)

Anger Iceberg

1.) FOCUS ON PHYSIOLOGICAL SYMPTOMS RATHER THAN PSYCHOLOGICAL

We all know how our body reacts to this emotion. We get sweaty palms, racing heartbeat, grinding teeth, restlessness, headache et cetera.

So next time you feel angry, wait 5 seconds and name every physiological symptom that you feel and keep elaborating. For example, "Yes, I am angry. My heart is racing, and I am losing my breath. I want to punch him as my palms are sweaty. I feel numbness in my calves." 

When you do this, your mind is directed towards what is happening in your body and is given time to think that it is harming you. So the intensity immediately drops. 

2.) RELEASE YOUR ANGER IN A HEALTHY WAY BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

We have taken a lot of regretful actions when we are angry and have said a lot of things which we do not even mean sometimes. And as we all know, you can not take your words back once said. 

Releasing anger as soon as possible. When we are suppressing the anger and avoiding to express it because we believe anger can be expressed in negative way only. That is not true. When we suppress the anger and move on, it harms even more. The longer you keep it inside, it gets even worse and comes out later in unpleasant ways. 

Example : Tina's mother discouraged her and she felt angry. She did not speak any word. After 2 months, her mother tells her that she always encourages her and that triggered all the anger Tina's been suppressing from the past 60 days. So Tina impulsively shouts at her mother and expresses the anger in a very unpleasant way which hurts her mother too.

What could Tina do? She could politely tell her mother the moment she felt discouraged. 

There are still situations where you can not express. For example : You made your project staying up all night and your dog tore it. You go to school and your teacher yells at you. You come home and you feel angry because you feel your efforts were worthless. So to release the anger in this situation, you could do some energy releasing exercise. Like punching a pillow, running outdoors, boxing, playing outdoor sport or working out in a Gymnasium. When your energy is released, you can distract from that state by talking to a friend or doing something you're interested in.

3.) VERY UNPOPULAR ADVICE : CRY 

Yes. Crying is good form of releasing your emotions when nothing works. You can cry and use emotional ventilation. For ventilation, you can use journaling (written or typed), you could use a friend, a support group or anyone you trust. Do not let anger sit there and make you feel emotionally overloaded. 

4.) EXPRESS INSTEAD OF BLAMING

Expressing yourself using "I" statements is always better than blaming and using "you" statements repeatedly. 

For example : Instead of saying "You're always late, it has become a nuisance to me" you can say "I have been waiting from quite a while now and I am noticing that you have been procrastinating a lot. I'd really appreciate if you value my time and come on time from tomorrow".

5.) DIG DEEPER AND BECOME SELF AWARE

Sometimes we make ourselves angry by assuming the meaning behind what someone said to us. 

For example : a close friend who just shared with you that he cheated on his partner under the influence of an intoxicant and he regrets it and wants to tell this to his partner. But suddenly this situation reminded you of a phase of your life, where your ex partner cheated on you and all the flashbacks and memories of the heartbreak comes into your mind, it gets you angry. You lash out on your friend. You release all your anger and when you get calmer you realize that it was your personal internal conflicts and not anything relating to your friend. He wanted to make things okay. He was just sharing with you. 

If you can understand the chain of thoughts, anger can be controlled to a certain level. As one thought leads to another and at the end we have thought about things which are not even related to the current topic. So becoming self aware is a very important part of personal growth.

6.) DO NOT HESITATE TO SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP 

If you're unable to control it on your own and your balance is life is disrupted in any way,  then seeking professional help is always advisable. As your anger has a lot of emotions, conflicts and genetic reasons hidden behind it, which harms everyone connected to you, every aspect of your life and it affects you the most. It is always good option to seek help.